Part 1 Continued.

It's a warm day today, everything is still and lovely as it always is when the spring comes,

but I long for the sound of gun fire and hoof beats. I don't care if it brings the war closer

again, because it also would bring my Gideon closer too. I miss him so. I think my heart

shallbreak in two if he doesn't return soon.

A month later.

"My darling Gideon, I address this to you because on this day I have no private thoughts.
Since you left, I have no thought that did not begin and end with you my love. Even as I
write these words, I fear that you may never read them, that you may never know how
much joy our brief love has given me. I hear the sounds of fighting so close now. I think
all has been lost already because of this cruel war. If our Father in heaven has not
abandoned me, as well  as the cause my brothers and father died for, He will grant me my
wish. He will let me tell you this wondrous and blessed news I have for you, my dearest
Gideon..."

There is a knock at the door. As I opened the door, I saw one of Gideon's men standing
there.

"Do you remember me, ma'am?  I was with the company quartered here several weeks ago."

"Ah yes. Lt. Hamilton isn't it?"

"That's right. Captain Wyatt's second in command."

"Well why are you here? I still hear the gunfire. The battle can't be over.."

"It's as good as lost, ma'am, and I have news for you from the front lines."

The moment I saw Lt. Hamilton's face, I lost all hope that the news would be good.

But I hoped that somehow he would not say the words.

"What's happened Lieutenant?"

"The rebels are getting closer ma'am. Yesterday morning they threw everything
they had at us. "

"But you've been fighting for such a short time."

"Captain Wyatt made every one of us fight until the last drop of courage was spent."

"How many men were lost?"

"There was only a few of us left at the end."

"And Captain Wyatt?"

"He was the last soldier to fall ma'am. You don't know how sorry I am. I know how
he felt about you and I thought you might want to have this."

I turned and Lt. Hamilton handed me my beloved's uniform jacket. My beloved Gideon.

The signs of the battle he fought, shown on the uniform.

Years ago my grandmother told me of the day she learned her father had been killed in
a ship wreck. Time seemed to rush past her she said, as if in the space before she heard
the words and after, eons had gone by. That's what I felt like the day with Lt. Hamilton. It
seemed as though he had been standing there for all eternity , as if we were both frozen
in that moment and neither one of us could move or speak ever again, as if time itself
had been suspended.

"Ma'am...ma'am, the fighting has moved on. I have to go. Again, you have my deepest
sympathies for your loss."

"Wait! Where is Captain Wyatt buried?"

"With the others, on the battlefield. It was all we could do."

"I have to go there."

"The fighting hasn't moved too far, the danger will be incredible."

"I don't care. I must go there."

"You can't go alone. I'll take you."

"Thank you. You're too kind. I have something, I ah must tell Captain Wyatt.
Something very important."

---

It was just as the Lt. had said. The burial place was only yards from the battlefield. Now

they were no shouts, no cries of pain. There was only the howling of the wind, and the far off

sound that may have been cannon fire. But in that desolate place, it seemed like thunder,

as if heaven itself was outraged at the loss of all those brave young men.

"Gideon? I love you. I have not come to cry for you. I came here knowing that I would feel
your presence here like no other place. Our time together was so short, just long enough
for you to show me what it is to truly love another person. That was your gift to me my beloved.
I never expected to receive a greater one, but I have. It is only through that gift that I have
the strength to carry on now that all hope seems lost. Somehow I must find a way to match
your courage. For I am carrying our child, Gideon, the child of our love."

For a moment, the memory of Gideon came to me with such intensity that it seemed as if he

were still there, but never again in this life would I hear his voice or see his face, nor know the

joys of his arms around me. Realizing this afresh was too much for me, I could not stop

the tears from falling,  then just when the pain seemed too much to bear, I felt something. It was

the child. For the first time he moves inside me and in that moment I knew that all was not lost.

I would have our child and I would live for him.

"You will never know your father, but he was a good man. A brave soldier, and the love we
had, the love that made you, will never die. That kind of love is the most valuable thing on
this earth, it will live inside of me and live inside of you."

---

The war has moved on. This land that was so lovely and green, is a parched earth. Seeing

this so pained me I was glad of the condition that kept me inside for the last of the summer.

Now it is no longer possible to venture outdoors. Winter set in early this year.

November 17th...I have been unable to write all this past week. I felt chills and the weight of

the pen in my hand. I hope soon that it will pass. God forgive me, there are nights when I

give thanks for this sickness, when nothing gives me comfort but the thought of the end.

For I am sick at heart.

"Oh Gideon, my love. I have tried to be strong for the love of you and of our child. But I am
lost, my beloved. I don't want to live without you. I don't think I can..."

The days dragged on. Every morning I hoped to awaken and find that snow had fallen in

the night. That the scars of war had been covered by a blanket of white. But there was only

a big rain and a bitter cold. Outside, and within. It was worse at night.

Thunder....

I turned. It seemed as if Gideon was there. "Gideon?"

"Gideon, I have missed you so dreadfully. It must be the fever. It has taken away my reason.
But if I am so ill...am I dying? No, I can not. I have my child. Oh dear God, forgive me for wishing
it."

 I heard my vision..."Don't be afraid Emily."

"Gideon, it is you!"

"Your love was so strong it called me back."

"You're so real, I can hear your voice...I can see your face..I want to touch you."

I moved toward him.

He stopped me. "Oh no, I'm not as I was. As you knew me."

"I don't understand. Haven't you come back to me?"

"Only for a moment. Long enough to tell you that I know what your thoughts have been."

"I have been ashamed of them. You must be ashamed too."

"Never. You mustn't lose hope. You must never give up."

"I have fought so hard not to."

"Oh Emily, I know your courage even as I know your fear and it will sustain you. My sweet
Emily. Your love still warms me. It's in my soul, and it's in yours and our love will live on
in our child. Yes, that child proves the power of love. It is stronger and more ...stronger
than even death. Remember that when I'm gone."

"Don't leave me. I love you so much. I need you. "

"I will always be with you. I will live in your heart and in the heart of our child."

It seemed as if I could almost touch his hand.

"I love you Emily. I will love you until the end of time."

The vision was gone.

"I love you, Gideon."

I could not move at first. I could only stare at the place where my lover had been. I prayed for

some sign to tell me whether what I had seen was illusion or reality. Suddenly, I knew it

didn't matter. My heart was full and the weight on my spirit was gone. I needed no sign. My

prayer had already been answered.

"Gideon my love, you have given me the courage to carry on now, and I will not fail you.
And I will not fail our child. I will make a full life for us, and until we meet again, I know your
love is with me as mine is with you. And although we cannot be together, we will never,
ever be apart."

End Of Part 1

Continue Reading Emily's Diary (part 2)

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Steve and Kayla: An Unforgettable Love Story

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The Diary was originally transcribed by Carole Baquet, and I thank and credit her. I merely typed it up and put it online.

**FYI :Some sentences of the diary were written by Carole to describe the scenes from Emily's point of view, and were not "spoken" on air. However, most of the transcript above did air onscreen.

Pictures above by Rabet